All I wish is to be understood…..to be seen. I have gone many eras and many lifetimes of pain, suffering, and censorship. I have never been me. I have been my pain. That is all you’ve seen of me.
I’m not sure who I am anymore after all of this. If I can even find my way out of this cocoon I’ve created for myself….what world will I find? Will my eyes adjust? Will I be welcomed? Or shamed once more back into hiding?
The pain is on my back….the pain is on my knees….the pain is on my belly. I do not even need to dig any more to go looking for it. It’s all here out in the open for you to see.
The nettles in my hair. The dirt in my face. The shame in my eyes. Can you not see how lost I have been? Why did you not look for me earlier? Why did you leave me there to rot…
The well of anger stays steady in its darkness. Never to be seen. Never to be touched. That’s not allowed, she says. That’s not allowed, he says.
It might crack if that comes out, they say. You may crack others.
What about me, you say? Where have I been? What is there left for me? Just this hole that is empty, looking to be filled. They dug it outta me, you say. They dug it out and they left it there for another day. Who’s gonna deal with that they say? Leave it for another day…..safer that way.
Another day arrives….and another….and they don’t come back. The horizon sharpens my sight. Sharpens my anger. Sharpens my fear….on whoever comes near. Don’t go near her they say. Dangerous floods coming today.
The water cool and muddy with red. Ignored by those passerbys. Flies.
She wished she could fly once…..when she was very young. She sits now covered in mud, awaiting her love. Love that will save. Love that will soothe. Love that has never reared its ugly head.
Waiting she will, still as a trill.
The Divine Feminine